On The Giving Tree, 40 Years Later

And so the tree was happy. Everyone was. ~Topher Payne

My son discovered my battered, well-loved copy of Where the Sidewalk Ends this past month. As you can imagine, I was delighted.

He’s thoroughly enjoyed the poems. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed hearing them again, recited not by me, but by an 11-year-old boy who loves them as much today as I did nearly 40 years ago.

But then, last week, he pointed to the dust jacket. Below the iconic photo of Shel Silverstein was a list of books he’d written.

“What’s ‘The Giving Tree’?” my son asked.

“It’s the story of a boy and a tree,” I said, already choking up. “We have it here, somewhere.”

I bumbled around trying to explain that The Giving Tree is about a tree giving, and giving, and giving to the boy she loved – until nothing was left of her. I explained that first she gave her apples, then her branches, then her trunk, until she was just a stump. And she gave that to the boy, too.

I explained that it was a well-loved book when I was a child, but that now it’s seen as a cautionary tale. (As it happens, Silverstein never intended it to be seen as a happy ending.)

Today there’s an alternative ending called The Tree Who Set Healthy Boundaries, that I highly recommend you read. (You can do that here.) My son and I read that version together.

As you might expect, I cried while I explained The Giving Tree to my son, because it’s an emotional conversation and I cry with a lot of books. (He’s used to it.)

But then I spent a good long while reflecting on the fact that when I was his age, The Giving Tree was loved without qualification. There wasn’t anyone who said – hold up. Wait. Maybe this isn’t healthy.

Instead, the book was lauded as an example of pure love – of what someone would do, should do, for love. That self-sacrifice to the point of self-destruction is the highest manifestation of love is the lesson that children of my age, and older, and probably younger, were internalizing when reading this book.

And on the flip side, the lesson was that it’s appropriate for someone to demand that level of commitment.

But, of course, it’s deeper than that. It’s not just “someone” who demands that commitment, nor is it “someone” who gives of themselves until they’re shorn to the ground. It’s men who do the taking, and women the giving.

The tree is a “she.” And “she” gives of herself until literally nothing is left of her. And even then, she gives her stump up to the boy so he can literally sit on her. The boy is a boy, until he is a man-boy – but throughout he takes, and takes, and takes, giving nothing of himself at all. Just showing up when he needs, and wants to take.

It’s described as a book about a boy and “his” tree – of the power of love, and self-sacrifice.

But instead, I think it’s more a statement about our culture, and what we expect of women and men.

Lest I think I was going a bit too far in my literary analysis of The Giving Tree, it just so happens that on the very day I was mulling this over, an opinion came down from the Fifth Circuit Court of Appeals, which covers the great state of Texas. The decision was an important one, about the use of mifprestisone. You’ll recall that a trial judge (the District Court, in the federal system) had ruled that the FDA should not have approved mifpresitisone some 20 years ago, and banned its use.

The Fifth Circuit – conservative to its core – agreed with that decision in some respects, and it’s awful for that reason.

But it’s the concurring opinion of Judge James Ho that shocked me, and a lot of other people, the most. (A concurring opinion is when a judge agrees with the result, but has more to say on it, or perhaps differing reasons. Essentially it’s their way of saying, “Yes, but…”.)

In that opinion, Judge Ho explained that doctors enjoy caring for pregnant women and newborns. So, he reasoned, when a woman has an abortion, those doctors are personally harmed because they are denied the pleasure of caring for those patients.

He claimed the doctors suffered an “aesthetic injury” – the same kind of injury claimed by conservationists who sue the federal government to stop threats to endangered animals or plant life.

According to Ho, there’s “no basis” for allowing lawsuits “based on aesthetic injury when it comes to animals and plants—but not unborn human life.”

*guttural scream*

He sees no difference between recognizing the harm to the public when a wetland is destroyed, and the “harm” these doctors claim to suffer when their will is not imposed upon another living, breathing, human being.

A woman is not a wetland. Or a tree.

But having reread The Giving Tree on the same day that opinion came out made something a bit more clear for me. That to a certain degree, our society simply has the expectation that women will bend on demand to the desires of everyone else.

That our culture has historically viewed self-sacrifice to the point of personal destruction as the highest and best manifestation of womanhood. And that not sacrificing yourself willingly is such an affront to the sensibilities of those around us that it causes onlookers mental anguish that’s potentially redressable in court.

Of course it’s obvious when you look the treatment (and pay) of female-centric professions. Teachers, librarians, nurses, childcare workers – all expected to give and give and give without reservation – even when their own personal safety and mental health is at risk.

And should they – like the Tree in the alternative ending to The Giving Tree – demand better treatment, the backlash is swift and fierce.

I’m not sure what to do about any of it, to be honest. But I think it’s more part of the conversation about abortion and healthcare than I had considered. There are deep-seated cultural beliefs that need to be unwound here. That’s not easy – not when generations of Americans have been weaned on messages that women’s needs (and their very bodies) are subservient to everyone else’s.

You know, as I was writing this, I wondered again if I was going too far down the rabbit hole with The Giving Tree. Maybe, I thought, I’m being too harsh. It’s been a tough year...

But then I asked myself – what if I imagined that the protagonist of The Giving Tree was not a boy … but a girl?

Could I imagine the original story coming out the same if I simply switched the genders? Could I imagine a story about “a tree and his little girl,” or “a girl and her tree,” with the same self-sacrificial destruction of the tree, and the same insatiable want from the little girl?

And the answer is no. No, I couldn’t imagine the story coming out the same.

I doubt you can, either.

Friend, we have a lot of work to do. Glad we’re doing it together.

Let’s get to it.

Actions for the Week of August 22, 2023

Tonight! Join Me and the Forgotten Democrats Team to Unpack the Trump Indictments

Join host Fred Wellman and the Forgotten Democrats team for our August meeting! We’ll have a conversation with former federal prosecutor and highly sought-after legal analyst Dennis Aftergut – who will share his insight into Trump’s indictments. We’ll also talk with Kaylee Peterson, a sixth-generation Idahoan with deep roots in Idaho and the First District, where she ran for Congress in 2022.

https://us02web.zoom.us/meeting/register/tZcodeChrj0iH91-b-DQxb1owScgrp0HYIYZ

Wednesday: Join Vote Save America for Social Media Organizing Workshop!

From Vote Save America: Those of us who avidly follow political news are keenly aware of what’s going on in the Republican primary — Trump is solidly in first with a handful of wannabes trying (and failing) to out-horrible him and another handful of anti-Trump candidates who aren’t getting any traction. But most voters haven’t been paying close attention and only a handful of moments will break through. The first debate may well be one of them, so let’s make sure it breaks through on our terms.

Join us for our next Social Media Organizing Workshop. We’ll be joined by special guest Cara Koontz, Vote Save America’s very own Digital Political Campaigns Director. Together, we’ll go over:

• The stakes of the current GOP primary landscape
• Why it matters to take action now
• How we plan to take action together

Our plan is to meet for 30 minutes before the GOP debate, go over our social media organizing game plan, and then take action in the VSA Slack during the debate.

RSVP here: https://www.mobilize.us/crooked/event/574773/?_kx=zdU58pq8BqFvECHXots1DCj1WjlBqMUaL3ZxAu6dGd4%3D.UbWYQp

Building Trans Political Power: Wednesday

This sounds like an excellent panel discussion – sponsored by Arena and Hood to the Holler, but featuring Rep. Zooey Zephyr, Jack Knoxville, Founder of Trans Empowerment Project, and Stephanie Medina, the Deputy Director of Partner Engagement at Zinc Collective.

I’m especially keen on the fact that they are going to talk about how to build trans political power in red states.

From Arena: We’ll start by providing context about the political landscape, then jump into a discussion about best practices for organizing sustainably in this environment and actions we can take to build trans political power, particularly in red states.

This panel is also an opportunity for participants to connect with and ask questions from panelists.

RSVP HERE.

Last Chance to Apply for Arena Academy Online:

From Arena: Arena Academy is a five-day virtual training designed to help aspiring and current staff level up their skills and land their next job as a changemaker. Participants can train on one of seven tracks: Campaign Management, Communications, Data, Digital, Fundraising, Organizing, and Organizing Director. 

Over five days, participants deepen their knowledge about a specific role and learn more holistically how campaigns and organizations within the progressive space work. The training culminates in the Arena Cup, an interactive competition to build a comprehensive campaign plan for a real district. After the Academy, participants gain access to premium support to help them navigate their careers in politics. 

Arena Academy tuition is $300, and the final application deadline is Sunday, August 27 at 11:59 p.m. ET. Apply HERE.

WHEW! GO TEAM!

P.S.: Why don’t you make someone’s day and send this pep talk to a friend or two? I bet they need it.

If you’d like to sign up to get this pep talk and action list in your in-box each week, you can do that here. Welcome, friend!

P.P.S.: If you want to help support this work you can do so via Patreon at
https://www.patreon.com/smalldeedsdone or via paypal at https://www.paypal.me/smalldeeds
My deepest gratitude in advance.

Thank you for reading. Thank you for writing. I read and respond to every email! We’re in this together. Don’t you forget it.